Mr Rippers..DasThief??... Walking Dead in DBD????

Alright.

Deep breath.

Knife?

Check.

Mask?

Check.

Menacing silence?

Double check.

I am Michael Freaking Myers.

I load into Haddonfield, my old stomping grounds.

Literally.

I stomp.

Silently.

Menacingly.

I’m the strong, silent type, like if Batman and a brick wall had a baby.

I spot a survivor.

She’s crouched behind a bush like a budget ninja.

I stand there.

Just… watching.

Creepy, right?

She finally looks up.

We lock eyes.

I don’t blink.

Mostly because my mask doesn’t have eyelids.

She bolts.

Ah, the chase begins.

But I don’t run.

Oh no.

Running is for cardio bros and cross-country teams. I stalk.

I evil within level up like a murder-powered Pokémon.

By the time I hit Evil Within III, I’ve got the stride of a man who just remembered where he parked.

My knife is basically a lightsaber of doom at this point.

I lunge.

I miss.

I lunge again.

I miss again.

Curse these floaty knife physics.

Who greased my blade—WD-40?

Finally—BAM—down she goes.

I pick her up like I’m her disapproving uncle carrying her out of a frat party.

I hang her on a hook like a Halloween decoration.

Fitting.

Somewhere, someone’s flashlight-clicking at me like a Morse code insult.

I chase them too, but trip over a pallet like a discount villain in a Scooby-Doo episode.

Eventually, they escape.

But not before teabagging me at the exit gate like I’m some kind of knife-wielding noob.

But that’s okay.

Because I don’t scream.

I don’t shout.

I just… stand there.

Watching.

Waiting.

And silently promising to find them in the next match.

Because I’m Michael Myers.

And I’ve got all the time in the world.

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