Steve Cropley: Feed the soul with a configurator binge
Steel-wheeled Defender 90 is the way to go: keep a lid on the costs
Trapped inside for lockdown, our columnist is finding solace in speccing cars
In this week's automotive adventures, Steve sooths the lockdown blues with a stint on configurators, reflects on the foibles (and pleasures) of driving a Mazda MX-5 to a Gloucester supermarket and more.
*Monday*
Some people turn to music or religious works for solace, but I’m finding that in times of uncertainty few things provide such effective food for the soul as a new car configurator. I’ve been spending hours on them. So many hours, in fact, that I’m now seeking stats that show just how many person screen hours are needed to generate one bona fide car sale. Bet it’s plenty.
Like many devotees, I’ve greatly improved my skill at config handling. And learned more about the characteristics of the companies to which they’re attached. Porsche’s functions immaculately but artfully seduces you to spend big money by presenting so many tiny tick boxes that it feels rude not to check at least a few. Fiat’s goes dead when you’re just reaching the interesting bit. On Caterham’s, it’s a buzz seeing the car grow wider and meaner as you click from standard to SV. Citroën’s works, but it’s a bit weird. Strikes me car dealers face double trouble after lockdown: the knowledge difference between config-educated customers and hapless salesman will be even greater than before.
*Tuesday*
Locked down in Gloucestershire, I’m deriving enjoyment from making eight-mile return trips to the supermarket every three days in a variety of different cars. So far, I’ve done seven: two road test cars (Vauxhall Corsa long-termer and marooned Bentley Flying Spur), four of our own (VW California, Fiat 500, Citroën Berlingo, Mazda MX-5) and my son’s battered but fit 11-plate Hyundai i10.
Most problematic has been the Mazda, because although it’s a nice practical little car with a roomy passenger’s seat and a decent boot, it riles people because they suspect you might be having fun. On the way back from Tesco, I put the hood down and made a serious attempt to be happy despite the glowerings of the audience, and do you know what? It worked.
*Wednesday*
Built the ideal Land Rover Defender 90 today. My approach to car specs is to pare gadgetry back ruthlessly until you have only what you truly need, perhaps because I’ve driven so many ‘fully loaded’ cars that were no better than their basic brethren. By choosing the base 200-horse diesel yet opting for the vital combo of air suspension and Terrain Response 2, you can squeeze a short, desirable steel-wheels Defender just under £46k. And save yourself £20k in meaningless tinsel.
*Thursday*
The Steering Committee reckons I give car company leaders too easy a time (“Don’t tell me: he was a really good bloke”) and maybe she’s right. But while writing something about the Citroën GS for Classic & Sports Car yesterday, I did get into a fury with the company’s bosses of the 1970s and 1980s who elected to make this jewel of a car from ‘muck metal’ so that there are simply none left. Same goes for some unique British models of the time. Cheap cars as inspired as the GS should still be representing their eras with distinction, but they’re not and it’s a tragedy
*Friday*
Every day is like New Year’s Eve, isn’t it? You tend to fill it by listing stuff you’ll do ‘after this is over’. Inevitably, mine involve landmark car purchases – but I keep avoiding firm decisions because (a) there’s no way you can do anything about it and (b) it’d feel like you were closing off too many enticing avenues. So I keep wandering the same old route: new Defender, full-house Caterham, McLaren 12C, Ariel Nomad, Ferrari California, Morgan – and return. Believe I may have invented perpetual motion…
*And another thing...*
Lots of responses on a breakdown theme to my request for a captions to go with this excruciating Morris Marina 1300 press launch photo. Best and most succinct: “I know it’s nice here, but shouldn’t we stand where the AA man can see us?”
*READ MORE*
*Steve Cropley: A Mini Cooper S does the trick for B road thrills *
*Steve Cropley: My Berlingo is beloved, but it's no Bentley *
*Steve Cropley: Small and simple is the formula for driving nirvana*